Some updates on a couple of loose ends...
the Christmas tree
We took it down this weekend. I felt it coming for about a week. It was starting to feel sad and pathetic. No longer a good memory of how we felt at Christmas. I feel good about it. It feels like we are getting back to normal.
I've talked about them a few times. Part of me knows that this issue is not just miscarriage and infertility related. It's hard to make new and maintain old friendships in this stage of life. It would be hard even without all of these complications. I'm still very hurt by a few specific people, but I can't just sit and wait for them to call. I either need to get over it and forget about them, or get over it and reach out myself. Either way, I need to get over it. I called my college roommate last week. I haven't talked to her since she told me she was getting remarried (it was a small wedding; only family). I called her a few times leading up to the wedding, the morning of, and one week later. All calls went unreturned. I've been feeling so bitter that I didn't get to share good news with her. So I actually texted her because I thought I could express myself better in an email, but she called right back because it was a good time for her to talk. From her perspective, nothing will ever change between us, we will always pick up right where we left off. Form my perspective, the conversation was a bit awkward and forced. We'll see.
I told a newish friend at church about the miscarriage last week. I always feel like I'm having to explain myself. In this case, I wanted her to know why I had been a bit MIA (everyone notices when the preacher's wife isn't around). I have missed a few Sundays and specifically a program that she was working on. She was so incredibly wonderful. She hugged and cried with me, told me about her own experiences, and just basically listened to anything I had to say. Then yesterday she gave me a card and sweet little present. It's actually the first card I've gotten through this whole experience (which is fine, I'm not really a fan of cards:).
my fragile emotional state from last week
I think I've almost convinced myself that the miscarriage was more than likely a crazy happenstance that probably won't happen again for the same reasons. Based on how far along I was, the gestational sac size and progesterone levels, I feel good about my treatment and future treatments. I have been making a long list of questions and plan to call my doctor back and discuss things. I'm feeling so much better about things. For now.
It's going really well. I want to write more about it, but for now I'll just say I love it. It feels really great to actually be doing something during this wait. To actually feel I am working toward something. So glad I made this decision.
I didn't deactivate my account, but I did delete the app from my phone and the page from my regular browser view at work. I can't tell you how good this makes me feel. Almost as good of a decision as personal training. Guess what? I haven't missed it! I'm loving life without the stupid book.
babybump app birth club
I needed to stop looking at this crazy forum when I was actually pregnant. I certainly need to stop now. I'm just stalking along. But I think I broke my habit yesterday. There was an asinine post about announcing your pregnancy on facebook. Oh my gosh. Some of the ideas were ridiculous. A picture of a jar of prego spaghetti sauce? barf. A picture of your pee stick on your belly? gag. Your status update, "God decided to bless me and my love with a baby. We are so blessed." kiss my ass. (first of all, it's my love and me, but whatever) Yep, think that did it. Haven't opened the app since.
LOVE IT. Love finding new music. This is my most recent favorite. And of course, this is exactly how
Whew, I feel better.