Tuesday, January 17, 2012

chromosome testing

I just got a call from the doctor's office about the results of our chromosome testing. The chromosomes were normal. I'm having trouble processing what that means. It basically means that there was nothing wrong with our baby. That it was something wrong with me.

I literally thoughts 10 times today about how much better I was doing. How it must be the endorphins. Well damn the endorphins.

I spent about 15 minutes on the floor of my office crying. I was so totally unprepared for this call. She knew if the baby was a boy or a girl too. But I couldn't bring myself to know. Not yet anyway.

In my daily google reader perusal this morning, I came across a post with a song that I tabbed out to listen to later. It literally sat in my browser all day. I listened to it approximately 3 minutes before my phone rang. Coincidence? Here is the link.


  1. Oh, Hattie... I'm sorry about your day. I wish that I had more words of encouragement, but I do not. I am thinking about you and praying for you. I wish that I had something better to say to you at this moment, but my heart reaches out to you and cries with you. Know that you are loved.

  2. Pretty much any information they could have given you, would have been difficult in these circumstances. If it had been a chromosomal thing, you would have worried about future babies. When there is no problem with the fetus, than you worry about yourself being the problem. It's a bad situation to be in.
    I worry all the time that I will be the downfall of my future babies.
    I wish I could do something, just know you are being thought of.

    1. You're so right. The more I thought about things last night, the more I realized this was true. Thanks for these thoughts.

  3. I hate that news of any sort crumbles us to our knees at this point.

    We can only get stronger, right? I have to keep telling myself that. There isn't much lower than rock bottom.

    I'm curious to know what the doctor said regarding these results. Was he concerned at all, or is this a normal occurrence? Well, I do know (from my googling) that 75% of early miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues. Have you had any immune testing done? I'm really not trying to give you more to think about, but you and I seem to unfortunately be on the same path.

    If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me:
    boundbysymmetry (at) gmail (dot) com.

    You are not alone, even though it seems like it's you against the world. <3

  4. I'm so sorry that this news hit you so hard. Just know that I'm thinking of you. (((Hugs)))

  5. Oh Hattie. I wish I was there to put my arms around you and give you a hug. You've done nothing to deserve this, hon. You are not responsible for the loss of your baby. I know that you did everything humanly possible to protect your child. Don't ever doubt that.

    I know how hard it was to get that phone call today. And I know exactly how scared you are. Please don't lose faith, though. And know that I'm thinking of you and sending you so much love.

  6. ((((((Hugs)))))))

    I know it's impossible to not be angry with your body. I understand that. But I'm going to say this anyway: Please be kind to you right now.

    Sometimes the waves feel like they're crashing into you so hard that you might not survive. But you will. I promise. Has one of your loser friends stepped up to give you some support yet? I seriously wanna kick some ass.

    1. Thanks for the support. It's mainly one friend that I'm particularly hurt by. I've tried to write some about her, but it feels like a betrayal. It's complicated.

      Luckily, I have a couple of newish friends and all of you that are filling the hole nicely. And you know how it is in real life - time goes by, people get busy, and they forget.

  7. Awww, sweetie. I was really hoping the chromosome testing would offer you some peace. Thinking of you tons....sometimes a good cry is certainly in order....even 15 of them if you need it! xoxo