Is still up. Why can't I take it down?
Because I was pregnant at Christmas. And it was amazing. And now it's over.
But I was pregnant at Christmas.
Max keeps gingerly broaching the subject. A comment about how dry the tree is. Or how he wants to get the other armchair out of his office. Today he came right out with it. He said he understands that it's about more than the tree, but it's probably time to talk about it. He asked if it would be easier to do it together or for him to just do it while I'm at work one day this week. Through my tears I told him I didn't know.
I'm clinging to Christmas. To the way I felt finally celebrating this miracle with my family. To the feeling of life growing inside. To the visions I had of next Christmas, opening presents for my almost 5 month old baby and passing her around to be held by friends and family.
I'm not ready to give that up.