Thursday, October 18, 2012

one hundred

I logged in today planning to post about movement. That will come tomorrow.

This is my 100th post. I can't tell if that seems like a lot or not. I would say it's a milestone for sure. This Sunday will also mark one year since my first post. What a year.

When I look back at the beginning of this blog journey, some things have changed and yet some things are exactly the same. Here is a quote from my very first entry.
"And surprisingly for me, as much as I hate paper sheet times, it's the time between the paper sheets that I'm most struggling with. Those times are lonely, dark and moody. They're emotional and emotionless. They are angry and hopeful, strengthening and heart breaking."
This is still so true. I feel all of those things in a single day related to the process of becoming a mother. The process of Max becoming a father. Will that ever change? Here's another:
"I wish this process of procreation could be about the time between the 600 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets. About love, intimacy and trust. But alas, for some mysterious reason, this journey is about the paper sheets. About science, calendars and money."
Looking back, I think this is wrong. I believe that what I have felt and developed most over the last 99 posts is love, intimacy and trust. This journey definitely brought Max and I closer together. I have developed relationships with friends who I have walked alongside. Celebrated with and shared in devastation. I have learned to trust myself and others enough to let someone in.

Through the heartbreak of a miscarriage, the painful birth of a niece, the hope of a positive, and the anxiety of a pregnancy, I loved and trusted and felt loved and trusted.

I am so thankful for this space and the people it has brought into my life.


  1. What a wonderful milestone - here's to another 100 more posts :)

  2. Happy Hundred! This community is all about love and trust and I think you are so right to say that infertility is also about these things. Humor is there as well. Congrats!

  3. I sure is interesting to see how things chnage in a year isn't it. Even if we don't find ourselves with a happy ending, so much changes in our hearts and minds. But we never forget where we were in the beginning.