It didn't work.
I'm in a better place now than I was this afternoon. Devastated describes me then. It's dulled slightly.
Mostly I feel stupid because I really thought it worked.
That's not true. Mostly I feel sad. Unbelievably sad.
We decided that when we go for our next baselines later this week, I will ask if the baby we lost in december was a girl or a boy. It's time. To know and to move forward.