Wednesday, February 22, 2012

unexpected support

I got a call from my aunt yesterday that was so nice. This is my mom's sister and we don't really talk that often. There is some drama between my mom and her siblings. While this aunt is the most rational of all of them and she and my mom have remained fairly close, the relationship has been strained.

She called me out of the blue yesterday. I almost didn't answer because I don't have her number in my phone. She just said she had been thinking about me a lot since my mom told her about the miscarriage. After giving me some time and distance, she decided to call to check on me. We ended up talking some about her experiences. She has one daughter but had two miscarriages after my cousin was born. My uncle was very discouraged after that and didn't want to go through it again so they stopped trying. She shared some of her feelings of regret and that her miscarriages are still difficult and sad for her. She also asked me very basic, open ended questions about our situation and let me talk about whatever.

This wasn't ground breaking or life changing, but it was so nice to feel the love and concern from her at such a completely unexpected time.

I also ended up talking about our situation a little bit to some of the women at Max's birthday party Sunday night. I know, fun party topic huh? Surprisingly, the one woman who showed the most compassion and understanding is the one who honestly gets on my nerves a good bit. I've been unsure how she feels about me, but felt very comforted by her on Sunday.

I'm honestly having a rough time right now. I'm beyond stressed at work, still very sad at times, anxious about what is to come, and stressed about finances. These two conversations were small bright spots in my crazy crazy world.


  1. I'm glad that you had a few "bright spots" this week. My friend just finished up an IUI cycle (also through ART) and she got a positive beta of 36 today. I think I've been living through her the past few days.

  2. I'm glad you were able to get out a little of the sadness. There always seems to be an unexpected surprise in these situations. I am thinking of you and hoping that tomorrow brings a little more peace.

  3. I'm so glad you were able to connect with your aunt! It's amazing how this stuff can bring people together. I'm finding more and more that as I talk with older generations about what we're going through, the ones that have been there have so much insight and even share stories or feelings that no one in the family knew.

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're stressed. Hopefully work will calm down a bit. In the meantime, sending you hugs.

  4. I think it is important to share your experiences with others, and in particular others that can help you by having gone through some of the same things you have. I found blogging to be similarly helpful, since I have no aunt. I think you are raising a very important topic about the man's role in whether to go on or to stop. I will run away with this idea and write a blog post on it.
    ICLW 102

  5. Miscarriage and infertility are such difficult things. People who never gone through them have no frame of reference, and even if they are truly kind, find it very hard to relate. All the support I've gotten has been through my best friend who went through one pregnancy loss before I did, and this amazing, beautiful community, that I am so very thankful for. It kept me sane through my second loss, remained a source of comfort through my year long break, and is going to sustain me through my next attempt and whatever comes after.

    I'm doing this as an SMC, reading your aunt's stody made me realize that its one of the few silver linings of doing it alone.

    Best of luck to you, in this very difficult process.

    Jay, ICLW # 18