Wednesday, February 15, 2012

approaching a non-existent milestone

By my lack of posts lately, you may not be sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Honestly, I've been doing pretty well.

I had a very normal cycle last week, which has given me a lot of hope for the next few weeks before we try IUI again in March. I am a little stressed over the timing, as I have a work trip to San Antonio scheduled which will probably fall exactly when we are supposed to do the IUI. I'm a bit stressed about that, but right now know there is nothing I can do.

But something has been slowly creeping up on me. Since the miscarriage, I have seen several pregnancy announcements that I consider stupid. Either people that I don't think should be allowed to procreate, or people who announce there pregnancy in an obnoxious way on facebook at something like 5 weeks. (no offense if you've done each their own...I get that sometimes you just want to tell people...I don't judge you).

Something new is happening. I am beginning to see and hear pregnancy announcements from people who I like. And at a reasonable time, 15 or 16 weeks. Which means their due date is close to mine. Actually, someone announced on facebook yesterday with my exact due date. And I'm only on facebook like once every two weeks! How did I catch that?

I just keep thinking - we could be pregnant together! Our babies could share a birthday! I want it to be me!!!

16 weeks was when we thought we would make the pregnancy general knowledge. Obviously some people already knew, and we would have told more people as time passed. But 16 weeks was what we had in mind for telling the whole world.

Max turns 30 tomorrow. We are having a birthday shindig for him on Sunday night. Our plan was to tell some friends at the party as part of his birthday celebration. Not so much. Instead I'll play the happy hostess and break away every now and then to cry in the bathroom. Luckily my best friend will be in town from 4.5 hours away.

I find myself wondering how Max is feeling approaching this birthday. And the non-existent announcement. Is 30 hitting him as hard as it hit me a year ago?


  1. Big hugs. I hate facebook. Just sayin'. Keeping your and Max in my thoughts.

  2. Those darn pregnancy announcements! I feel like all Facebook is anymore is a venue to drop baby pictures, comments about babies, pregnancy announcements and updates or birth announcements. It's killing me and I usually hide a fair number of preggo peeps.
    I hope you have some peaceful moments and that you are ready for your next IUI. Keep your head up and try to ignore the things that will force you off track. I know how hard it is...

  3. I wish I knew what to say to make all of this better. Honestly, it's something I struggle with myself. As much as we love our friends, pregnancy announcements are still hard. Especially when they correlate so well with what might have been.

    I know it's hard to think about at the moment, but you and Max stil have a lot to celebrate on his birthday. Because even though there was tragedy, you found strength in one another. And 30 yrs is a milestone in an of itself, because 30 yrs ago your partner came into the world. Honestly, if you're like me, I can't imagine going through this journey without mine.

    Sending you lots of hugs. And I'll be cheering you on as you prepare for March.

  4. Wow girl, this post caught my attention. We had a miscarriage last year in February after IVF #1 and hubby turned 30 in April. I think it was pretty hard on him because after an already long battle with IF, our baby was finally on the way and 30 wasn't bothering him too much. After the miscarriage, it seemed to really bother him. Things should have been different.

    My little sister is pregnant with #2 and is due the day after my birthday in June. I know exactly what you mean with the birthdays.

    Hoping that you guys get through it and enjoy what you can. Try not to put too much pressure or expectations on yourself. We can only do so much. Hang on to each other and work through it together. xoxo