I'm such a big talker. All relaxed and take it as it comes. Easier said than done.
The biggest problem is that with every day that goes by past my due date, the harder it is to convince myself that it could even happen on its own. I'm losing confidence and losing hope. And the thing is, the only thing looming is the thing I said would be fine if it came to that anyway. Induction. It's not even that bad!
It's funny. I have read so many of your stories about how you thought that because you struggled so much to get pregnant, you thought you deserved an easy road through the rest of it. Whether it was the delivery you wanted or an easy baby, our prior struggles guaranteed something simple down the road. So no matter how many times I read that and tell myself struggles guarantee me nothing, there's still part of me that thinks surely a birth just like I wanted will make up for the pain I experienced on the road to get here. And of course here I am staring at exactly what I didn't want. And I'm surprised? I guess even when you read the warnings of others, there are just some things you have to experience yourself.
I am 41 weeks and 1 day and my next appointment is on Wednesday. If I make it to that point we will probably induce on Friday night or Saturday morning. That takes me all the way to 42 weeks. I feel very lucky to have a doctor that is comfortable going that far. I keep trying to tell myself that there is still time for it to just happen. But I've been dilated 1 cm for a month now and have felt a total of 3 contractions during that time. Thankfully the baby has passed all tests with flying colors and remains very healthy at this late stage.
We keep trying pep talks for my uterus. I routinely implore it to "do something!!!" to no avail. Every night I go to sleep thinking "maybe this will be the night!" Only to wake up with the realization that today is the same as yesterday.
But I know it will be different one day soon. And until then I will just keep enjoying the time I have. Because before I whisper that hopeful statement before I go to bed, I sit in my chair and watch the baby dance in my belly. Knowing I may never have this chance again.
One day very soon WILL be different. I was facing a second induction and woke up abruptly one night to my water breaking. I'm glad you're enjoying it while it lasts, at least a little. I do hope you have a quick and easy labor and that your little one is soon here safe and sound! I can't wait to read about it!
ReplyDeleteHoping that soon your little one decides to come out all of his own accord.
ReplyDeleteBeing overdue is a hard thing. You're finally ready for this little one to emerge and they are comfortable staying put. Do what you need to do to get through this time. One way or another, there will be change very soon.
ReplyDeleteAnytime....the waiting must seem endless and unbearable, but then - suddenly - you just won't be waiting anymore!
ReplyDeleteExactly what I was saying to my sister all of January: one way or another, the baby WILL come out. And you have the right to mourn that your ideal birth plan has not come together.
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