I just read a blog post written by a real life friend-ish and had to get my thoughts out before I lashed out at her. It wouldn't be fair to do that to her, but I'm fired up.
She gave birth last week to her third child, a son. She has some very strong opinions about childbirth and raising children and, well, everything. She's a hypnobabies instructor (not sure if that is the right word), has had home & tub births for all 3 children, is a huge proponent of birthing naturally and listening to your body and allowing the baby to come when it is ready. No induction, no c-sections, no praying for the baby to come soon. I disagree with none of that (except that I don't really know what hypnobabies is). In fact, I started reading her blog because I really wanted to learn more about some of these things and hear her opinions. She's pretty well versed in all of these topics.
Her son came last week at 37 weeks. Her latest post is about mourning his last three weeks in the womb. She had to turn off the weekly emails because it was too painful to get a reminder of how big he should be and how he should be changing. When her husband mentioned taking the due date off of the calendar, she burst into tears. She talked about holding her belly and wishing he was still inside and she was still having this special moment with her child.
In case you are confused, her son is healthy and perfect and sleeping in her arms and crying and eating and living.
I understand that hormones run high after you give birth. I understand that sometimes you have expectations related to a birth and that when they are not met it can be difficult, especially combined with the hormones. I have not experienced birth, especially a birth when you feel like it will be your last one. I know it has to be difficult if you want more children or want that experience again. I know that no pain is the same and that sadness is real even if I don't understand it.
But these are the feelings you get when you lose a child. After my miscarriage, each weekly email was like a knife in my heart. Even now, when I am 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I think about how big my lost baby boy would be and how soon August 9 will be here and how will I get through that day without a baby in my arms. I should be 36 weeks on Thursday. How unbelievably grateful would I be to give birth next week at 37 weeks. I can only dream.
And I think about all of you. Some of you have lost babies at 16, 23, 34 weeks. And how you would give anything to have those children in your arms, no matter when they came.
Don't talk to me about the sadness of missing three weeks when you have a lifetime.