I think I've mentioned this before, but I am a procrastinator. I am also a pretty laid back, go with the flow type of person. You know when lots of infertiles talk about the challenge of being Type A and dealing with infertility? I don't so much relate to that. While there have been many, many challenging aspects of this journey, that has not been one of them for me.
In the whole pregnancy process, I think that does me some good. I feel like I have a pretty healthy attitude about pregnancy, labor and even in raising my child because of my ability to adapt, be flexible and go with the flow. We use a program called Strengths***Quest at work a lot and one of mine is Adaptability. I don't get stressed about unforeseen circumstances. In fact, I often do better work when thrown a curve ball.
So as I approach the big milestones coming up, I am able to have an idea of what I want and how things would go in a best case scenario, but know that it may not happen that way. There is very little I can control through this and I'm ok with that. If I need/want to change my mind at the last minute, that's find. It's just part of it.
But one of the downsides of this personality can be a lack of structure, which in my case leads to procrastination. This character trait manifests itself in different ways in my life. I have been able to get fairly good control of it in my work life by using deadlines. Pretty much any task I have has a pretty specific timeline or deadline set by outside circumstances or other people. I know what that timeline or deadline is and I meet it.
So here is the current challenge. In reality, there is no timeline on this baby. At almost 38 weeks, it could happen tomorrow, or it could still be another month. And honestly, I'm fine with either. It's just really strange to not know when such a huge, life altering thing will happen. There is this huge....thing.....looming ahead and I cannot for the life of me tell how close it is!
And because I don't have a "deadline", I'm not done with some things that I want to be done with. And because I could, in fact, still have an entire month left....I can't make myself hurry. What's wrong with me?!? Ha. I go back and forth most days between - "oh my gosh I've got to get stuff done" and "no worries...I've got a month!" Do you know how much time difference there is in tomorrow and one month from now? It's huge! :)
Bottom line: As of Friday's appointment, I was dilated 1 cm and have had some "signals" that my body is doing what it is supposed to do. But that doesn't tell me anything except it will happen at some point.
So, I will keep marking of one task at a time and taking it one day at a time. And maybe try to set a deadline! :)
Procrastination is a hard thing to kick. That's why I rely on lists. I make a list of things that need to be completed (making sublists for larger projects). Then I figure out what parts can be done in 15-20 min intervals. 3-4 of those parts go on a daily "to-do" list. Even if it's as simple as "make a list of projects that need to be completed" or "call X to ask about Y," it goes on my list. And the act of checking off that task is so rewarding.
ReplyDeleteYou are incredibly close! Good luck on finishing preparations and hoping that you'll be welcoming the little one very soon.
I can't believe you're so close! Those last few weeks with Little K were nerve wracking for me. I couldn't wait to meet her and I don't do well with surprises. Every little twinge would send me into "Is this IT?" *sigh* Good times.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are so chill about the arrival (or delay) of this little one. And if the schedule ends up speeding along, I have no doubts you will never think about those last little things on your to-do list. Not for a second.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you so much lately my friend.